Why Redefining Success Matters More Than Ever
- Dillon Andres
- May 21
- 4 min read
Have you ever checked all the boxes—a great job, steady income, fitness routine, a respectable social media presence—and still felt... off? Like life looks good on the outside, but inside, something doesn’t quite add up?
You're not alone.
More and more high performers are waking up to the realization that they’ve been chasing a version of success that doesn’t truly belong to them. Whether it's the flashy entrepreneur lifestyle or the serene, minimalist spiritual ideal, both extremes can feel like cages if they’re not yours.
This article is for the overthinkers who’ve mastered productivity but feel emotionally unfulfilled. For the driven leaders who are tired of performing success and are ready to live it—on their own terms.
The Traditional Definition of Success—and Why It’s Failing You
Success, for decades, has been marketed as a formula: earn more, achieve more, do more.
For many of us, it started early:
Get good grades
Land a high-paying job
Buy a house
Stay in shape
Make six figures by 30
These external markers were meant to signal you had arrived.
But what if those checkboxes never truly belonged to you?
According to a 2022 study by the American Psychological Association, more than 70% of high-achievers report chronic stress and dissatisfaction—even when they're technically “successful.”
That’s because performing success is not the same as feeling successful.
The Anti—Success Swing: From Hustle to Minimalism
After burnout, it’s common to overcorrect. Many shift from the hustle to the “healing” extreme—selling everything, moving off-grid, becoming ultra-spiritual, and renouncing all things material.
While simplicity has value, even this lifestyle can become another performance if it doesn’t resonate.
"At one point, I thought success meant having nothing—just peace, a partner, and a garden. But even that felt like another 'should'. I realized I was still performing... just on a different stage."
There’s often shame on both ends:
The spiritual world may shame ambition and money.
The business world may shame rest and emotional expression.
This tension creates what we call “identity whiplash”—the emotional burnout of trying to choose between two opposing models of success.
But what if there was a third path?
The Third Way: Redefining Success Based on Experience, Not Expectation
The game-changer question is this:
“What experience do I want to be having in my life?”
Not: "What do I think I should want?"
Not: "What would look impressive to others?"
Just: What do I want to feel?
When we define success based on how we want to feel—peaceful, alive, creative, connected—it creates a deeper alignment between our goals and our values.
Action Step:
Journal this tonight: "What experience do I want my ideal weekday to feel like—emotionally, physically, relationally?"
This internal alignment is what modern positive psychology backs up: people who chase intrinsic goals like growth, relationships, and contribution report significantly higher levels of fulfillment (Kasser & Ryan, 1996).
Dismantling the Shame Around Wanting More
You’re allowed to want abundance and alignment.
You’re allowed to:
Build a profitable business and take naps.
Seek peace and be ambitious.
Desire impact and income.
We help our clients release the guilt of wanting both—because success that costs your well-being isn’t success, it’s survival.
“Most of us aren’t afraid of failing. We’re afraid of choosing wrong and being judged for it.”
That fear of judgment keeps people stuck in cycles of overthinking, people-pleasing, and burnout.
Through our coaching, we guide high performers to:
Get radically honest about their desires.
Rewire old stories around success and self-worth.
Build confidence to pursue a life that actually feels like theirs.
The Confidence to Let Your Definition Evolve
Here’s the liberating truth: your definition of success is allowed to change.
As you grow, so will your values.
Maybe success used to mean career milestones. Now it means presence.
Maybe it used to be about influence. Now it’s about intimacy.
Let that evolution happen. It doesn’t make you flaky. It makes you awake.
"For me, success today looks like waking up with peace in my chest. Having meaningful conversations. Creating impact. Being present in love. And still making money doing work I believe in."
Real Success is Nervous System Safe
When your definition of success aligns with your body’s truth, something incredible happens:
You stop bracing for impact.
You stop over-giving for validation.
You start taking aligned action from a grounded place.
This is the nervous system work that many people miss.
Your body isn’t just reacting to your environment. It’s responding to your definition of success. If that definition feels unsafe, unreachable, or disconnected—it will trigger fear, tension, and self-sabotage.
Want sustainable success? Start with what your body says yes to.
Summary: Success that Feels Like You
To redefine success on your own terms, you must:
Dismantle inherited definitions and shame-based narratives.
Ask what experience you actually want.
Allow your definition of success to evolve with your healing.
Build confidence to pursue goals from a place of truth, not pressure.
Anchor into nervous system safety as your new foundation for action.
Here’s your next move:
Take 5 minutes today. No distractions. No obligations. Just ask:
"What experience do I want to be having in my life?"
Write it down. Let it be true.
And if you’re ready to stop overthinking your worth and start building your life from a place of clarity, power, and peace—DM me the word REALIGN on Instagram.
Let’s redefine success. Together.
If you're ready to go deeper into understanding your relationship with yourself, grab my FREE eBook, 30 Days to Know Yourself,
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-Dillon Andres
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