Introduction
Childhood beliefs form the foundation of how we view ourselves and the world. Often, these beliefs are ingrained so deeply that we don’t recognize their impact until much later in life. One common belief that many of us carry is the idea of "Don't get your hopes up." Yes, we chatted about this a few articles ago, however, I felt this topic is worthy of addressing again right away.
On the surface, it might seem like a harmless piece of advice meant to shield us from disappointment. However, as adults, this phrase can create a pervasive fear of hope, limiting emotional depth and preventing us from living authentically. This article explores how such beliefs take root, manifest in our lives, and what we can do to heal from them through Inner Child Healing and intentional practices.
What Are Childhood Beliefs?
Childhood beliefs are the messages we absorb from authority figures, friends, and our environment during our formative years. These messages shape the way we see our world, influence our decisions, and impact our emotional responses.
Examples of childhood beliefs:
"You have to earn love."
"Failure is unacceptable."
"Don’t get your hopes up."
While some beliefs provide structure, others limit our potential, creating inner barriers that affect relationships, career choices, and emotional well-being.
Don’t Get Your Hopes Up: The Root of the Fear of Hope
One of the most insidious childhood beliefs is the warning not to get too excited or hopeful. This phrase might have been used to protect you from disappointment, but it often instills a fear of emotional vulnerability.
How it starts:
Hearing phrases like "Don’t get your hopes up" from parents, teachers, or caregivers.
Experiencing letdowns after anticipating something exciting.
Internalizing the idea that hope leads to pain.
What it teaches:
Suppress emotions to avoid disappointment.
Limit expectations to reduce the risk of failure.
Avoid hope altogether, creating emotional numbness.
Recognizing How This Belief Shows Up in Adulthood
Many people carry the "Don’t get your hopes up" mindset into adulthood without realizing its impact. This belief creates an upper limit problem, where we unconsciously restrict emotional highs and lows to avoid discomfort.
Signs of the Fear of Hope in Daily Life
Emotional suppression:
Difficulty feeling deeply happy, excited, or even sad.
Avoiding situations that may evoke strong emotions.
Fear of disappointment:
Hesitating to set ambitious goals.
Distracting oneself from potential failure through busyness or procrastination.
Coping mechanisms:
Overworking to avoid feelings.
Disassociating with substances like alcohol or drugs.
Using fitness, art, or other outlets as escape rather than healing tools.
My Journey: Confronting the Fear of Hope
When I began exploring my inner child seven years ago, I realized how deeply "Don’t get your hopes up" had shaped my life. I avoided feeling emotions altogether, confining myself within an upper limit for both joy and sadness. By suppressing hope, I thought I was protecting myself from disappointment. Instead, I was robbing myself of authentic emotional experiences.
The Breakthrough
Through journaling and self-exploration, I connected the dots:
My avoidance of hope stemmed from a fear of disappointment.
This belief limited my emotional growth, preventing me from feeling deeply altogether.
To heal, I had to confront my fear and intentionally break through the upper limits I’d set for myself.
Practical Steps to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
Healing our relationship with limiting beliefs like "Don’t get your hopes up" requires intentional practice. Below are steps that help(ed) me move through the process and can guide others on a similar journey.
1. Acknowledge the Belief
The first step to change is awareness. Recognize the belief and its origins.
Journaling prompt: What were you told as a child that made you feel small or unworthy? How does this belief show up in your life now?
Reflection: Write down instances where you suppressed hope or avoided emotions.
2. Challenge the Fear of Disappointment
Reframe disappointment as a natural part of life rather than something to avoid at all costs.
Affirmation: "Disappointment does not define me; it’s a stepping stone to growth."
Practice: Recall a past disappointment and identify the lessons it taught you.
This is how we change our relationship with an experience and/or memory
3. Feel Your Emotions Fully
To break free from emotional suppression, intentionally experience your emotions without judgment. We have to feel to heal.
Practice:
When feeling happiness, amplify it by focusing on joyful memories.
When feeling sadness, allow yourself to cry or express the emotion constructively.
4. Create Healthy Outlets for Emotions
Transmute intense emotions into productive or creative activities.
Examples:
Use gym therapy to channel frustration or anger.
Express emotions through art, music, or writing.
5. Set New Emotional Parameters
Replace the limiting belief with a healthier framework.
Revised belief: "It’s safe to hope, even if things don’t turn out as planned."
Daily practice: Each day, set an intention to embrace hope in small ways, such as planning something exciting or sharing a vulnerable thought with a trusted friend.
The Importance of Hope in Emotional Healing
Through this journey, I’ve come to understand the profound role hope plays in emotional healing. Hope isn’t about guaranteeing outcomes—it’s about opening yourself to possibilities. It allows you to dream, connect, and live authentically.
The kind of hope that truly transforms us isn’t tied to a specific expectation, it’s tied to the energy of possibility.
Benefits of Embracing Hope
Emotional depth: Feeling the full spectrum of emotions enhances personal growth.
Resilience: Hope provides strength to navigate life’s challenges.
Authenticity: Living without fear of disappointment fosters deeper connections with others.
Conclusion
The belief that "Don’t get your hopes up" may have been intended to protect us as children, but as adults, it often does more harm than good. By recognizing and addressing this fear, we can reclaim our emotional freedom and learn to embrace hope. Healing from limiting beliefs is a lifelong journey, but with intentional practices like journaling, reframing, and allowing ourselves to feel fully, we can overcome these inner barriers and live more authentic, fulfilling lives. Remember, hope is not the enemy—it is the bridge to the life you truly want and deserve.
If you're ready to go deeper into understanding your relationship with your Inner Child grab my FREE eBook, 30 Days to Know Yourself,
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-Dillon "Wolverine" Andres
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