Who are you?
Who are you?...
This is a question I have asked people, and have been asked myself on a number of occasions.
The funny thing is, the first handful of times that this question was directed at me I did not know how to answer it.
After doing some reading and reflecting, I found out a few things.
How do I know 'Who I am?'
People who ask this sort of question are typically struggling with their identity and are searching for a core sense of themselves. Where the irony lays, is that the more we seek to identify who we are, the more vulnerable we feel about ourselves.
The emphasis shouldn't be on discovering who we are (what we keep buried) but on encouraging the development of what we'd like to experience. Who we would like to BECOME.
It's an ongoing process. Who you are today isn't who you were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, hell, even a year ago!
When we get asked this question and immediately feel a sense of vulnerability, there is a good chance that for many of us, our limiting self beliefs come flooding into our mind first. Thoughts about how other people view or think about us MAY be based on one of 2 beliefs we have about ourselves, or fear of others seeing us in one of these way's :
1) Imposter Syndrome
Which is an internal experience of believing that we are not as competent as others perceive us to be. This definition is usually applied to intelligence and achievement, it also can be applied to a sense of perfectionism and the social context of it.
2) Dunning-Kruger effect
Is a type of cognitive bias that causes people to overestimate their knowledge or ability. Usually in areas in which they have little to no experience. (Those who read an article on social media or a single book once, and feel as if they are an expert on the subject).
Whether or not these 2 (of many) potential beliefs come to mind, I'd like to stir the pot that is your brain. Let's open up the borders of perspective here on the fact that "Who you are," is not what you think about yourself when you're feeling vulnerable to what others MAY think about you.
Few facts about daily social life are quite as troubling as this one:
Very few of us have the slightest clue on how we’re coming across to others.
An iceberg is the perfect metaphor to understand how much of ourselves we choose to reveal to other people. As an iceberg floats in the water, the huge mass of it remains below the surface. Only a small percentage of the whole iceberg is visible above the surface, and the largest and most influential part remains unseen below the surface.
In exactly the same way, each of us will often have a part of ourselves that we reveal to others, with the larger part of ourselves being deeply submerged that no-one ever gets to see.
Do you see why those limiting self beliefs when in a state of vulnerability are kind of redundant?
Most of us spend our lives attempting to be somebody we aren’t. But the real power comes from accepting the truth of who you are and running with it to the very best of your ability.
Getting to the core of who we are is like getting to the heart of an apple. The apple will never be the best and highest expression of itself (in its current form) because there’s a tree inside of each apple in the shape of a seed. This seed needs to be released, and it needs to be transformed!
Our identity should be looked at as an ongoing process, rather than a specific snapshot while embracing a flowing sense of self. We are constantly re-framing, re-organizing, re-thinking, re-considering, and re-wiring ourselves every, single, day. How different would life be if rather than asking 'who am I,' we contemplate how we would like to pursue this life?
Who we are, is an ever changing belief of our identity, because at the end of the day, identity and values drive our behaviour. This is who we become. If you want to make a change, you have to change what you believe about yourself. You have to begin telling yourself a different narrative. The narrative you tell yourself, about yourself, is EVERYTHING.
Are you still struggling with with the thought of who you are? The real you?
Who you are meant to be and the shoes you are meant to fill?
Ask yourself this one question:
What do you want written on your tombstone?
Then spend every day striving to be that person.
THAT's who you are. THAT's who you are meant to be.
The question is, how long are you going to wait to take back and own your life?
- Coach Wolverine