When we normally think of someone with low self-esteem, most of the time we imagine a person who is shy, has low self confidence, might not overly outgoing, or simply has a low value placed on themselves. Perhaps you picture that friend who always puts themselves down? You know that one friend that when you give them a compliment on what they're wearing or how great they look, they almost always respond with something like, "thanks, but I feel like I look fat." That is especially true in the health and fitness world.
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Low self-esteem isn't always as obvious as these examples I outlined here, and how it affects each person and their life can be very unique.
Low self-esteem can considerably affect our relationships. All of them. Potentially causing arguments and insecurities, with other types of relationship difficulties and imbalances .
Here are five examples for you on how low self-esteem can affect our relationships:
1) Our Sensitivity.
People with low self-esteem may take feedback or constructive criticism in the most negative way possible. An example of this could be feeling hurt or rejected when our partner asks for some ‘quiet or alone time’. Our hurt may cause us to recoil or snap at our partner with the potential risk of an argument or fight. While our low self-esteem clearly affects our relationship, our relationship also affects our self-esteem, as we will most likely regret our irrational reactions to something so minor.
2) Not putting forward our own needs.
If we have low self-esteem we may find it difficult to ask others for help. We may fear inconveniencing or “burdening” others. An example of this could be someone organizing movers to help them move instead of reaching out to a friend or family member to help. This means we won't get our needs fulfilled in our relationships due to feeling too afraid to ask.
3) Difficulty being ourselves.
Low self-esteem can make it exceptionally difficult to be our authentic self in any relationship. We might put considerable effort into being what 'we' THINK is likeable or attractive. When in reality, people just want to know that real us. In a lot of cases, the "us" that we are so stressed to hide from the world.
4) Jealousy and insecurity.
Low self-esteem can give rise to jealousy and insecurity in any relationship. We may question our worthiness of our partner, and believe it is a complete fluke that they're even with us. Or, that we don't deserve them. This causes fear to grow and creates the expectation that our partner is going find someone else better that us, or more attractive.
5) Poor relationship choices.
Low self-esteem can affect our choice in a partner. Creating a scenario where our core needs aren't being met in that relationship. Meaning that we stay with our partner, despite their lack of affection for us. Or, we continuously attract the same type of people into our life. This last one is for everyone out there who has ever uttered the words "All men, or all women are the same."
I'm terribly sorry, but no. This may be a hard pill to swallow, but this isn't even fractionally true. Every single person out there on this beautiful planet is as unique as a snowflake. There is only one common denominator in each of our relationships, and that's 'us.' I've been here. I understand.
So, if we are continuously attracting people who have similar "tendencies," finger pointing at others is not going to fix it. To put it in the most blunt and transparent way possible, WE MUST FIGURE OUT OWN SHIT OUT FIRST, BEFORE getting into another relationship.
Ya, I know this might sound harsh. But I'm not here to sugar coat anything. That never gets anything accomplished. This is our life. Every choice we have made has led us to this point where we are now. And that's actually beautiful thought! Because that means we are always 1 decision away from a different life. And the ONLY thing in life that matters, is what WE think about ourselves, when we are by ourselves. Everything else in our life stems from this belief.
So if we are continuously attracting people with similar "tendencies" into our life, we must ask ourselves 1 valuable question.
"Would I date me?"
"Would you date you?"
If it's a 'yes,' that's fantastic! It really is, and I thank you for listening to the end of this presentation. If it's a 'no,' sounds like some self work needs to be done. And if you'd like some help with that, lets talk. For real.
Whichever the case, I promise, you can get to where you want to go.
You just have to want it bad enough.
-Coach Wolverine