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  • Dillon Andres

3 Steps to boost self esteem now.

First off, what exactly is Self Esteem?


Self-esteem is our overall opinion of ourselves. Essentially, it's how we feel about our abilities and limitations. When we have healthy self-esteem, we feel good about ourselves and know our value. When we have low self-esteem, we put little value on our opinions and ideas while constantly worrying that we aren't good enough.


Self-esteem begins to form in early childhood, establishing our core beliefs between ages 4 and 11. As we develop socially and cognitively to gain some sense of independence, there are MANY factors that can influence our self-esteem. Some reasons are, but not limited to:


- Our thoughts and perceptions

- How other people react to us

- Experiences at home, school, work and in the community

- Illness, disability or injury

- Age

- Role and status in society

- Media messages


Relationships with those close to us — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important contacts — are some of the most fundamental influencers to our self-esteem. Many beliefs we hold about ourselves today reflect messages we've received from these people over time.


This age window, and these influences are also a major factor for how many potential cognitive psychology impairments, or mental health issues can develop. Depression, Anxiety, and Narcissism to name a few.


If our relationships are strong and we receive generally positive feedback, we're more likely to see ourselves as worthwhile and have healthier self-esteem. If we received mostly negative feedback and were often criticized, teased or devalued by others, we're more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem.


Past experiences and relationships don't have to be our "be all, end all," however. Our own thoughts have the biggest impact on our self-esteem. Fortunately, we have control over this. Yes, we can control our thoughts. It boils down to being mindful and in the moment, to shift our perspective when those limiting beliefs slither their way into our subconscious. When we focus on our weaknesses or flaws, working on changing that thought habit can help us develop an accurate view of ourselves.


Three huge steps we can take to begin our journey to a high esteem life are:


1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Your life is completely unique to you in every aspect. Comparing our unique life experiences is like comparing an apple to a toaster. One is food, the other is for preparing food. There is no set time or place that you must have certain milestones accomplished by.


Yes, you can get married at 20 or 50. Or at any age.

Yes, you can start a new business or career at 30, or 60. Or at any age.

Yes, it's completely okay if you don't know what you want to do with your life yet. Or at any age.


This is the beautiful reality that is our LIFE. We can do things at our own pace with the time we have on this Earth. Sooooooo stop comparing yourself to ANYONE. What may have seemed "easy/simple" for someone else, doesn't mean that aspects where you shine in your life weren't difficult for them.


2. Identify "What is the why," behind your limiting beliefs.

Alright, I'm going to level with you here. This step is easier said than done. However once this skill is learnt, you will have a tool in your arsenal for the rest of your life to pass onto others.


"What is the why," is a question to ask yourself when feeling triggered in any way. Be it offended, anxiety, or the self loathing victim mindset of, "why me?"


It is OUR responsibility to deal with, or heal any triggers that may come up. It is NOT the responsibility of the world to tip toe around us on eggshells with the belief that no one should ever feel offended. We have no right to expect this. With this in mind, think of those triggers like a "check engine" light for your vehicle's dashboard.


"What is the why," behind your feeling triggered on ANY particular subject? Keep asking yourself this question until you get to the root of the belief.


The hardest pill to swallow on this step is accepting the reality that because we find something offensive, does not, I repeat, does NOT mean that we are right.


"What is the why" behind our feeling of being offended?



3. Believe in Yourself

I understand that at most times this is easier said than done. So when you need a reminder, think back to all of the victories of your past.


- How many times did you fall when learning how to walk?

- How many times did you have to get back onto your bicycle?

- How many times did you have to practice that song on guitar? (or any instrument)

- How many mistakes did you make before getting your drivers licence?


My point here is that everyone requires practice to be great at anything. There is an old saying that goes, "Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard." So go easy on yourself when mistakes are made. This is how we learn. We often don't see the struggles behind closed doors of individuals who we often compare ourselves to.


Every single person on this planet has the ability to achieve success through the perceived super power of 'choice.'


Respect the Hellish fire behind fear, but don't let it stop you. All fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by your beliefs. Your perception is what shapes your reality.


Live YOUR life on purpose.


The ONLY thing in life that matters is what YOU think about yourself when you're by yourself. Every other aspect of your life will follow suit with this belief.



- Coach Wolverine

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