How to Stop Seeking Approval from Others and Start Trusting Yourself

Introduction: The Approval Trap

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it's never quite enough? Like you need validation from others to feel worthy? If so, you're not alone. Many of us unknowingly fall into the trap of seeking approval—whether from society, friends, or even ourselves. But what if you could break free from this cycle and start living on your own terms? In this post, we’ll explore why we crave approval, the hidden costs of external validation, and, most importantly, how to shift toward self-trust and authentic confidence.

Wooden sign reading "Trust Yourself" against a blurred, leafy background. The tone is motivational and natural. — This is your sign to Trust Yourself

Why Do We Seek Approval?

At its core, the need for approval stems from a fundamental human desire: belonging. We are social beings, wired to connect and be accepted. However, when this need becomes excessive, it can lead to people-pleasing, self-doubt, and a disconnection from our own values.

For many, the search for validation begins in childhood. If you grew up feeling like an outsider—constantly moving, struggling to make lasting friendships, or facing rejection—you may have learned to seek approval as a way to feel safe and accepted. This can manifest in various ways:

People-pleasing: Saying “yes” when you mean “no” to avoid conflict.
Perfectionism: Trying to prove your worth through achievements.
Fixing others: Taking on the role of the “problem solver” to gain acceptance.
Self-sabotage: Keeping yourself small because you believe you’re not worthy of attention.

The Hidden Costs of External Validation

Relying on outside approval comes at a price. When your self-worth is tied to how others perceive you, you:

Lose authenticity: You mold yourself to fit others’ expectations, often at the expense of your true self.
Feel emotionally drained: Constantly seeking validation is exhausting and unsustainable.
Remain stuck in self-doubt: You second-guess your decisions because you’ve outsourced your confidence to others.
Delay personal growth: Growth requires making choices aligned with your values, not what others think you should do.

How to Shift from Seeking Approval to Self-Trust

Breaking free from approval-seeking isn’t about becoming indifferent to others—it’s about prioritizing your inner validation over external opinions. Here’s how:

1. Recognize When You’re Seeking Approval

Awareness is the first step. Pay attention to moments when you:

Hesitate to speak up because you fear judgment.
Overthink your decisions, worrying about what others will think.
Feel anxious about being liked or accepted.

Journaling about these patterns can help uncover their roots and give you clarity on how they show up in your life.

2. Shift Your Focus Inward

If your energy is constantly directed outward—trying to please others—you abandon yourself in the process. Start turning that energy inward by asking:

“What do I think about this?”
“Is this choice aligned with my values?”
“Would I still do this if no one else knew?”

By practicing self-inquiry, you begin to rebuild trust in your own judgment.

3. Rewrite the Narrative of Self-Worth

Often, the need for approval is rooted in old stories we tell ourselves—beliefs formed from past experiences. If you’ve ever thought, I’m not good enough, I need to prove myself, or I have to earn love, these narratives may be running in the background.

Challenge these beliefs:

What evidence do I have that contradicts this?
What if this belief isn’t actually true?
How would I show up if I fully believed in my worth?

Reframing these stories allows you to redefine your self-worth on your terms.

4. Detach from External Opinions

You can’t control how others perceive you, but you can control how much weight you give their opinions. A powerful mindset shift is:

Not everyone will understand you, and that’s okay.
Rejection is redirection toward people who truly align with you.
The more you embrace your authenticity, the more you attract genuine connections.

5. Practice Self-Approval Daily

Self-approval is a muscle you strengthen over time. Build the habit by:

Celebrating small wins—even if no one else notices.
Making decisions without asking for outside input.
Speaking your truth, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Each time you affirm your own worth, you reinforce the belief that you are enough—without external validation.

Conclusion: Own Your Worth

Seeking approval is a deeply ingrained habit, but it’s one you can break. By shifting your focus inward, challenging old narratives, and practicing self-approval, you move from a place of dependence to self-trust. When you stop looking for validation from others, you gain something even more valuable—the freedom to be fully yourself.

What’s one way you can start approving of yourself today? Drop a comment below and let’s talk about it!